the warm embrace of winter.

I can feel it in the wind. The snow is just around the corner and Christmas is coming in such a rush that I can almost hear the caroling already. Here I am caught between seasons, no more leaves to float from the trees, and only a brief disappearing snowfall to tide me over till it really comes down. The seasons are not all I am caught between now. In my blogging hiatus I have been absorbed by something new, warm, and exciting... and scary... and risky... and messy. I'm pressed between getting involved in something that doesn't involve me and avoiding getting myself into something that I want terribly to be a part of, to explore, and to enjoy. Confusing? I know! If it makes no sense its because it makes no sense.

For the first time I am experiencing the part of small town life that I never noticed before. Its that stereotypical, everyone knows everyone elses business. If there are no secrets in Aberdeen, then perhaps I shouldn't try to keep them, or rather avoid situations that require secrecy? Perhaps I am blowing everything into outrageous dramatics, completely out of proportion. My mind says wait on it. For SO many reasons!

stepping on toes
making people angry, people I will spend a couple more years or so with
getting caught up, off guard
not the right time (at all)
not the right age
one degree short
... someone else, in another city far away, who I miss, but I don't know why...

Yet I am here and the season begs for hot chocolate and tender words. If Christmas came now and swept me away, I might be all the happier. A fort, bathtub, and a ukelele might answer all my confusions, or perhaps double them in strength.

All I know is that I am relieved that the week ahead of me is far to busy to even think, let alone be concerned, draw conclusions, or make decisions. There are basketball games to play peppy music at, band clinics to be symphonic at, and best of all, a jazz band gig at the end of the week to learn to ballroom dance at. I can't wait to jitterbug, foxtrot, jive, or swing, whatever they decide to teach me. Then on monday... a big paying gig? I heard a rumour about 100 clams! I hope that comes through. I could buy christmas gifts!

I should also mention that this weekend I hid under a piano and spent a night with a gaggle of cool kids in a locked building climbing catwalks, exploring costume rooms, wearing sombreros, dancing (the break variety), and beatboxing. That possibly the kind of illegal activity that shouldn't be advertised on the internet, but it was innocent, and way to fucking cool to keep to myself.

"leave me to my dumb antics"
yours,
lame face